You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
This is the prime rib incident all over again
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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