My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
