Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
