This is not my ceiling
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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