Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
