when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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