Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
