Betty ford says i'm here all night
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
