Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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