Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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