The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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