i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
