They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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