peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
