Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
