He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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