I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
