I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
