I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
tell me about the fingering
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
