Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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