My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
