just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i just had sex bonerless
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
