Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
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