he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
only you would photoshop your dick
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
