My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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