I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
