I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
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