you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Randomize
