oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
how drunk are you?
Several
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
