An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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