Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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