He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
That reminds me...we need to get swords
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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