The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize