exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I enjoy the company of your penis
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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