You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize