He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
