What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
