Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
