We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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