I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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