Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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