goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
