I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
