New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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