sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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