After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize
