Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
