so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
