I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
