Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
