I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
