Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
