my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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