She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Randomize
