literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
