I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
