I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
