Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
