If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
