so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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