Just fell off a train. Bad.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
