Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
