this beer tastes like vomit already
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
