3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
