If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
