i don't like sucking hair
sarcasm needs its own font
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
