I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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