When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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