come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
