just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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