and next time when you feel me up, do it right
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
