I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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