New invention idea: vibrating tampons
you traded sex for a burrito?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
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