I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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