Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
