How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
