I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
