hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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