sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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