No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
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