I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
