After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
