No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
