just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
