Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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