watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Oh god it's open bar.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
