Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Your penis caused this!
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