Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Someone signed my nipple.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
