Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
