One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
