She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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