would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
