so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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