First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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