The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
