i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
