shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
