ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
