And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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